You've got a good idea here in that you're trying to think about how the social/political/cultural history experiences that the characters have are so important to their personal searches for identities.
The thesis is still much too vague. (notes about where below). I think that you should hone in on the difference between a seemingly ethinic-based search and a seemingly not ethnic based search (I suspect that Smith's search seems non-ethnic because 'white' is perhaps not noticed as an ethnicity) but there's probably more to that. And there's plenty to explore even about that difference.
The more specific you can be the better.
More notes below.
[cut out the first two sentences. they are too vague] Characters in the these works experience different and new aspects of life while at the same time learning and acknowledging who they are. [this second sendence has a right idea but it's still too vague]
[start here] The Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac and Tripmaster Monkey by Maxine Hong Kingston both show characters [experimenting socially? politically?] at the same time was they learn about and aknowledge who they are.
deal with these issues [too vague] and at the end [sounds like it's heading for plot summary]
show life is about accepting personal beliefs, challenges, culture, and heritage. [a good concrete list. make sure that you distinguish between culture and heritage]
Both works take place in California’s Bay Area, mainly San Francisco and Berkeley, and have males as the main characters: Ray Smith in The Dharma Bums and Wittman Ah Sing in Tripmaster Monkey. As the books move along, [again watch out for plot summary. it's my primary flag for noticing the difference betwee a 'c' paper and one that actually carries out an analysis]
the characters move to different places and meet new people, helping them with their struggle of finding themselves. [vague.]
While both Ray and Wittman go on a journeys, both physical and mental, they approach their lives differently but also similarily in order to create an identity that they can accept. [vague]
This paragraph is lovely in terms of its style. It's tight, and it sings.
I'm waiting for something like a definition of sponteneity though--and I hope that it is a complicated one. You can go ahead and try it, but I think that you'll find that if you just sit down and freewrite for several hours you won't produce the lovely, tight, rhythmic prose of Dharma Bums.
So there's got to be something interesting (and complex) about what he means by spontenaity, right?
Your paragraph overall looks great. You're developing an original argument here (usually people talk abotu the beats as opposing mainstream culture, but you are taking a less-talked-about stance of reminding us that they are also inside it)
Although the introduction is more broad than your paper you do a good job of defining a field of debate and showing how the specific books fit into that larger debate.
I don't yet see from this paragraph much foreshadowing of the body of your paper in terms of structure. It may be that, as you get the structure worked out, you'll have a more specific thesis in yoru last sentence there--maybe breaking out the parts of "representation" which is still vague in that
"the importance of representation" part. There's also still some vagueness arouthe questions of how the specific forms of representaiton used by the beats work to "broadan mainstream ideology from within"
You can go one step bolder, by finding similarities or historical correslations that will allow you to develop some cause-effect statements that can relate styles of representation (i.e. literary techniques if that's what you're looking at) to specific political political broadenings.
That might mean just adding one or two sentences or jiggering that last sentence around a bit.
Overall, you're on a good track here.
>Focusing on Jack Kerouac's novel The Dharma >Bums and Allen Ginsberg's poems "Howl" and >"America," I will show the importance of >representation within the Beat culture and the >Beat's ability to broaden mainstream ideology >from within.
3 comments:
Addie/some writing things
You've got a good idea here in that you're trying to think about how the social/political/cultural history experiences that the characters have are so important to their personal searches for identities.
The thesis is still much too vague. (notes about where below). I think that you should hone in on the difference between a seemingly ethinic-based search and a seemingly not ethnic based search (I suspect that Smith's search seems non-ethnic because 'white' is perhaps not noticed as an ethnicity) but there's probably more to that. And there's plenty to explore even about that difference.
The more specific you can be the better.
More notes below.
[cut out the first two sentences. they are too vague]
Characters in the these works experience different and new aspects of life while at the same time learning and acknowledging who they are.
[this second sendence has a right idea but it's still too vague]
[start here]
The Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac and Tripmaster Monkey by Maxine Hong Kingston both show characters [experimenting socially? politically?] at the same time was they learn about and aknowledge who they are.
deal with these issues [too vague] and at the end [sounds like it's heading for plot summary]
show life is about accepting personal beliefs, challenges, culture, and heritage. [a good concrete list. make sure that you distinguish between culture and heritage]
Both works take place in California’s Bay Area, mainly San Francisco and Berkeley, and have males as the main characters: Ray Smith in The Dharma Bums and Wittman Ah Sing in Tripmaster Monkey. As the books move along,
[again watch out for plot summary. it's my primary flag for noticing the difference betwee a 'c' paper and one that actually carries out an analysis]
the characters move to different places and meet new people, helping them with their struggle of finding themselves. [vague.]
While both Ray and Wittman go on a journeys, both physical and mental, they approach their lives differently but also similarily in order to create an identity that they can accept. [vague]
Pablo/Sponteneity
This paragraph is lovely in terms of its style. It's tight, and it sings.
I'm waiting for something like a definition of sponteneity though--and I hope that it is a complicated one. You can go ahead and try it, but I think that you'll find that if you just sit down and freewrite for several hours you won't produce the lovely, tight, rhythmic prose of Dharma Bums.
So there's got to be something interesting (and complex) about what he means by spontenaity, right?
I hope you're going to tell me about that.
Stacy/Beats
Your paragraph overall looks great. You're developing an original argument here (usually people talk abotu the beats as opposing mainstream culture, but you are taking a less-talked-about stance of reminding us that they are also inside it)
Although the introduction is more broad than your paper you do a good job of defining a field of debate and showing how the specific books fit into that larger debate.
I don't yet see from this paragraph much foreshadowing of the body of your paper in terms of structure. It may be that, as you get the structure worked out, you'll have a more specific thesis in yoru last sentence there--maybe breaking out the parts of "representation" which is still vague in that
"the importance of representation" part. There's also still some vagueness arouthe questions of how the specific forms of representaiton used by the beats work to "broadan mainstream ideology from within"
You can go one step bolder, by finding similarities or historical correslations that will allow you to develop some cause-effect statements that can relate styles of representation (i.e. literary techniques if that's what you're looking at) to specific political political broadenings.
That might mean just adding one or two sentences or jiggering that last sentence around a bit.
Overall, you're on a good track here.
>Focusing on Jack Kerouac's novel The Dharma >Bums and Allen Ginsberg's poems "Howl" and >"America," I will show the importance of >representation within the Beat culture and the >Beat's ability to broaden mainstream ideology >from within.
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